the code to unlock the date is N8IC5.

Please go here to help out a very good friend. She is helping to raise money for a very good charity and I as well as she would appreciate it if you helped out.

Thank you.

Sorry for the constant use for the word fuck but it's snowing!

Say anything that is on your mind or what you want to say to me but you can't. You can do it anonymous or not.

I'm sorry about the last entry there. Maybe I should start from the beginning. Lately everything is pissing me off and I'm stressed out. I'm constantly tired and sometimes I feel like my anti-depressants aren't helping. I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown, I can feel it but do I dare tell anyone? No and not because I want the fucking attention but because I'm scared. I know that if I keep bottling all this shit up, I'm gonna explode and end up in a psychriatic ward in a few months. That's why I'm so pushy about RPing. It's my escape from all of this hectic shit. I can hurt a part of myself without actually hurting myself. I just need someone, something to make me feel special, to make me feel wanted, to make me feel myself. My parents refuse to let me be myself and constantly disagree with how I am. I just need someone to hold me as I cry, to let me know I'm gonna be okay, to let me know that I'm not alone in this life. I need help, but I'm scared shitless of asking for more help. It took me three years to ask for anti-depressants, how long is it gonna take for me to ask for help this time?

Lonely, hurt, betrayed and saddened,
Alicia

P.S. Keeping public for no particular reason other than I want to.

Just did a major friends cut. If you were cut, I'm sorry but we never talk anymore so that would be why you were cut. If you try to persuade me to readd you, you have to at least comment on my entries at least once a month and if you do not a second time I will not re add you. Thanks. ♥ Always, Alicia.

P.S. Heather, my fic will be coming to you tomorrow night at the latest. I have to persuade myself to finish typing it. Also voice post will be soon, I promise.

I'm bored and decided what the hell I'll do one of these. Please try to keep your anonymous comment about me and don't start any fucking drama or I'll close it and log IP addresses. Say whatever you can't say to my face. I don't care if it is bad or good.

They say that you don't know what you had until it's gone. God do I understand that statement. I wish sometimes I understood myself more. I wish I knew why I push those that love me and care about me and are fucking there for me when I felt the worst away. I wish I knew why I let that idiot side of my brain talk.

If it were possible, I'm becoming the man I'm obsessed with. This livejournal has caused me more problems than I myself do. So why do I still have it? Why do I still let my fingers type shit that sometimes at the moment I don't mean? Why the fuck do I do this to people? God I seriously have problems.

The one question that I know will never be answered is: Why the hell did I let everything blow up into a HeyChris/Pete Wentz situation? Why?

Though I know none y'all want to hear this, but I am sorry. I'm sorry y'all ever met me because if you hadn't I never would have hurt you as much as I have. I'm sorry I guess you can say led you along and lied to your face because that's exact what I did.

In closing, I'm gonna try and stay away from the computer for a bit. Maybe just check my email and friends list once a day. This is unhealthy.

First things first, to anybody who thinks I'm two-faced, don't believe the comment about me at fuckyou_fandom. I wrote that about myself to see if anybody would agree or even respond to it. Yes, I suck at giving con crit to people's faces and go there and talk about people's writing behind their back. But I'm not only one who does that.

Secondly, it's sad when you get pissed off at Sims when it was your fault something went wrong.

Thirdly, today I was bored and you know what I popped into my CD player. John Cena. It's not that I'm back to obsessing about the man. It's just that I haven't listened to it in months since I stopped liking him. That and I actually like watching wrestling now. It actually has somewhat of a storyline with DX being back.

Fourthly, this entry is staying public for those people who aren't my friends that still believe I'm a two-faced bitch. Also screening anonymous comments.

This journal is friends only. Wanna be my friend? Wanna be able to read everything that is written in this journal?



You have to comment in order to be my friend. It's not a maybe. You have to comment. It is required that you comment because I will not add you unless you comment.

If you are already on my friends list, do not comment. You are safe unless you get a warning from me that I could be taking you off my list.